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wake me up.. to reality.

So what's really with Big Brother that's got everybody talking? Everywhere I go, I hear Big Brother. Everytime I turn to Channel 2, I see Big Brother. Pinoy Big Brother is everywhere, and it's taken the country by storm. But why is it so controversial? What's with it?

You have been a witness of how hooked I am with this show even though I only started watching it these past few weeks. At first, I really didn't like the idea of locking people inside the house for 100 days with no communication. I mean, what would we get out of it? Bored people prbably. But I was wrong. It showed us how people really live the simple life. No phones, no TV, no media. Just them, and their housemates. And it was actually very entertaining to see people from all walks of life try to adjust to each other's attitudes. The tasks and rules made the show even more intruiging.

And I think the audience saw nothing wrong with that. But I think what we all didn't anticipate was the fact that these housemates could still live the life they lived, being their own liberal selves. They CAN fall in love. They CAN kiss and make out. They CAN do what they want. Because they ARE inside their own world. They don't know what's happening outside them. They don't know and they don't care. These things will really happen. And this is reality. People really do fall in love. People really do kiss and make out. And people really do what they want. The only difference is, there's no cameras, no evictions. So why are we all mad about it? It only reflects how we really are. I understand that the MTRCB is just doing their job of filtering out as much sexual activities they can in the show and are doing it for the benefit of the youth as well as all the people watching it. And I also understand that some of the audiences are either too young or too old or aged to accept the show but I also want to voice out my opinion. The show is a mirror of real life. It isn't scripted, it isn't fake. It has all the drama we find in teleseryes, only it's true. If they think the show is not advisable for children, well it is the parent's jobs to see to it that their children do not watch it. And if there are children who do watch it, it is their responsibility to explain to them what it is all about. So for me, the show isn't bad. The whole perception of the show depends on how you see it, and for me, it is just life. If I am not brave enough to watch it, to see reality unfold before my eyes, then it is like I am not brave enough for reality. So yes, I am a Big Brother Fan. And I am proud of it.

I am sooooo sad about JB's eviction last night. I know he might be a bit arrogant but he really is a sweet guy. He loves Say and she loves him back. How I wish they'll still go strong even after 60 more days of no communication. I so love them.

BTW, I watched Lovestruck at SM a while ago. I actually liked the story. It's not so jologs. Laughtrip and kilig. It is better than I expected. Go ahead and watch it.

"wake me up when September comes.."



It's been how many days and yet I still can't seem to get over Thursday's PE class. You'll probably think that I'm such a drama queen since I've been making a fuss over something stupid. But hey, to me, it isn't really stupid because I was able to prove something -- for myself at least.

I know I'm stereotyped as the versatile pasaway. The kikay-slash-nerd. The maarteng smartie. The girl-next-door. The sweetie-sweetie. The social type of person. The classroom or corridor one. Meaning I'm not the athletic or outdoor kind of person. I prefer staying inside than playing on a hot day. I'm not KJ, but I'm just not sporty. And it's okay with me. I don't even care what the hell they think about me, but I know what I think of myself. And to finally be able to play a game of volleyball last Thursday was really something for me. I mean, yeah, it doesn't really make all the difference in the world but somehow I was able to prove to myself that I am capable of being the PE girl too. Hitting that ball did not only make me feel happy, it made me feel proud. I wish you were really there with me. It was really one of the best PE classes ever. I know I sound like such a drama queen but this is how I really feel. Haay.. I can't wait for Thursday!!

Oh my God it's eviction night in Big Brother!! Please, please, please vote for JB! I know there's only 25 minutes late but I really like him to stay! I find him and Say cute eh.. Haha. Type BB JB and send to 2331 (Globe/Sun) or 231 (Smart). [Mag-plug daw ba?] Anyway, this whole BigBro fever is getting to me! I'm hooked. I'm addicted. I know it's kind of corny, but hey, it's reality. At least it's not crappy unlike other shows. It depicts how Filipinos really are. And though some housemates really disappoint and irritate me, I still enjoy the show for its truthfulness. I wish JB and Say last longer. Kilig.

Sorry for the super late night post. I'm starting my Algeb project. Hay, tambak projects namin. WHY DID THEY SAY THAT SOPH LIFE WAS THE EASIEST?? It is so not. More than 6 projects to be submitted. It really sucks. Haay. The only thing I'm looking forward to this week is Thursday. Hehe.

"let me know if i could stay all of my life.."


i'm hot.

NOTE: Not everyone is recommended to read this post. If you think you're not in for a very, uhm, feminine post with all the issues of being a girl, then better not continue and click that Back button. :)

Today is one of the sexiest days of my life. Haha. Laugh your heads off people, I don't care, basta today I feel sexier and hotter and prettier than ever. Let me tell you the story of September 22nd.

I had a dream about a teacher. A VERY weird dream. I dare not mention what and who is in the dream, all I know is that this is one of the most unforgettable dreams ever. And not unforgettable as in really really nice or sweet but unforgettable as in freaky! Haha.

I woke up feeling really heavy because of a monthly friend. *ehem* I went to school feeling groggy and irritated. I mean, that's how it is right? I couldn't stand up, I couldn't walk. I just felt terrible. I finally decided to go to the clinic but you know what the nurse said? She doesn't have any hot compresses for me so she gave me a pain-killer and sent me back to my classroom! She didn't even allow me to rest. I don't normally drink pain-killers since they say it's bad because you might get used to it, but I was so desperate that I finally decided to do so, though it didn't really make me feel better right away.

Eventually the pain went away and I was able to enjoy the rest of the day normally (though still a little groggy). Fast-forward to PE time. I used my first year PE since it's green (sophomore PE is yellow) because I'm afraid of staining my yellow one. And since the shirt is, well, a little too small already, when I looked at the glass window (haha, official mirror) I LOOKED SO SEXY! My tummy was flat and something grew bigger!! :) Wahah. Of course I was so proud of myself that I immediately showed it off to my friends and they were all so happy for me!! :) I couldn't contain my excitement! And to make matters worse better, I actually played a volleyball game! I was finally able to serve and hit the ball PROPERLY. Is this magic or what? I really am stupid when it comes to volleyball, always missing the shot and hitting my head with the ball. But no, not today, I was a real pro! I looked like I played for a couple of years! Haha. It's such a great feeling. I never wanted that PE class to end. I never thought I could actually achieve two of my greatest wishes all in one day. GOD IS SO GOOD. After PE, I was all sweaty and tired but seeing my reflection on the mirror made the smile on my face grow bigger. Haha. I was even "blushing" because of too much exhaustion. I never felt so good in my entire.. well.. month. I know I sound conceited and vain and mayabang, but if you just knew how I felt during that period. Wow. And the best part is? I got a pretty nice treat afterwards too. Life is sooo not unfair.

Do you watch Big Brother? I think I'm hooked. I find Say and JB cute, and Racquel irritating. Aww. You guys should watch. You don't know what you're missing. =]

Oh and btw, I think I'll be putting up another blog for all the unanswered questions in Ask Karla so watch out. :)


what is your dominant fear?

Most of you will probably think I'll answer cats, and yes, I am afraid of cats even though they are small, harmless creatures. But what I really hate the most is the feeling of being alone. Not literally alone but the feeling of loneliness, the feeling that even though they are a lot of people surrounding you, you feel so distant. I hate that feeling. Why? Because it makes me feel different. It makes me feel lonely. It makes me feel miserable. And you know what else I'm afraid of? Being left behind. Losing something really important to me. I can't seem to think about how I am going to face a day without something I really treasure. It's like having a pencil but no lead. It's useless.

Sometimes, we think that we are all strong, mighty beings and we tend to show an unfazed attitude towards things. But what we don't understand is that being brave isn't always enough to keep us going. Sometimes, feeling afraid is the better option than to keep on walking. I admit, I have not been brave in all the situations that have come along the way. And though there's a small feeling of guilt, the constant haunting of the word "sayang", I always come to my senses that maybe fearing something didn't really stop me from moving. Instead, it made a bigger step. Because admitting your fear is something that will take you a long way, and the next big step is conquering it.

Right now, I am uncertain if someday I can conquer my fear, if I can be left alone without my life support. Without the one thing I hold on to. I can hear my soul shout its faint voice, to fight and to try living a life on my own. But I know that this voice is not enough, and right now, I still need my superhero to save me from all the insanity the world has got to offer.

This could've been my answer to my extempo if I was given more time.
Oh shit it's 9:05? This Chem assignment is really killing me.



It's such a crazy feeling. When we don't talk, I feel isolated. When we fight, it's like this heavy metal was placed inside my chest. I can't breathe, I can't think. My mind clouds and I cannot concentrate. I want to cry, but the worst part is that I can't.

I feel like I cry too much even if I haven't. I feel like I shout so loud even if my mouth is shut. I feel like I have been miserable all my life, when I know I'm not. I feel chaotic when I'm silent. I feel troubled when I'm okay. What is happening to me? Am I going out of my mind?

Sometimes I feel so lost. I feel alone, even when I know there are a lot of people around me. I feel invisible, I feel numb. I try to cry, but I can't. I breathe but I don't feel the air. And when everything seems like it all crashed, I'm not really sure if it did. I really feel lost. I don't know what to do or to say. They say I'm too sensitive, but can I help it if I get hurt? You know, I don't even know WHEN to get hurt. WHEN to say I CAN'T TAKE IT and WHEN to cry. I just feel.. weird.

I am different. I feel different. I know nothing has changed, but why does it feel like it did?? Why do I feel like we're so apart? Why do you laugh when I cry? Why do you ignore me when I need you? Why do you get mad when I joke on you? WHY? And what hurts is that.. I can't ask you these. I just can't. I don't have the heart to say these all in your face and stand all the isolation. I CAN'T. Because the truth is that you carry me with you. And when I hurt you, I hurt me. When I stab you, I kill me. And hard as it is to accept, it has been this way all the time. Haven't you ever noticed why I'm always there, waiting for you, not fighting you, not getting mad at you? Because I can't stand the thought of knowing that you might not be there.


don't make me feel more miserable than I already am.

hay. special day pa naman ngayon.

"oh.. hindi ko maisip kung wala ka,

oh.. sa buhay ko."

sorry guys I'm being too dramatic. maybe it's because of too much crinkles.


fly, fly high. soar through the sky. (haha feeling superhero)

Classes were suspended today. Hurrah! And I arrived at school ten minutes before seven only to find out minutes later that classes were suspended. Great. Mikka, Fatima, Hope, Tin and Keng went over and stayed here until past four! It was fun. We watched movies, played parlor (yes, a salon!), played with dolls, danced, sang and we had it all on video! Haha. It was like a sleepover minus the night and sleeping time. :) We even ordered pizza (courtesy of Tin!) and designed our Friendster profiles (actually I did it because they don't know HTML) It was a blast, I tell you. What a great way of spending your Friday.

My interest in superheroes grows more and more each day. I'm fascinated by the fact that they are so powerful and amazing.. they are the people we want to be. I've always dreamt of becoming a superhero. Imagine flying around all day, possessing superpowers, saving people, being looked up by people. It's probably the best feeling to save a whole city and be loved by the whole nation. They save us, they save the world. And yet, they are still human. They all break down. They all fall. And it's also one of the greatest things I like about superheroes. They are all strong and powerful, yet they are also weak and human deep inside. I guess this is why I like them so much. I wish for every crashing moment in my life, I could make it up for it by saving people's life. I wish that for every strength, there will always be a weakness, because it makes us whole. It makes us real. Superheroes aren't just there to show the impossible strength a person can have, but also the truth that for every great power is a weakness. Spiderman's emotions, Superman's love, Batman's past.. they all make us feel equal. Every person has a share of ups and downs, and superheroes are no exceptions. Superheroes are symbols for all of us. We are all strong and capable, but behind these are feelings of loneliness too. Maybe that's why the superheroes appeal to us more than any other character. Hay. I still wish I'd be as hot AND as powerful as Wonder Woman. :)

I miss Friends. I haven't been able to watch it nowadays because of too much schoolwork. I miss those guys a lot! I remember just this summer, I never fail to watch a single episode. And I catch the show three times a day on different time slots! I never get tired of them. I also signed up for almost all their fanlistings for every character, season, episode and even loveteam! Haha. I guess you could call me addicted. "I'll be there for you, 'coz you're there for me too.."

I'll be going home to Batangas tomorrow. It's my lola's birthday today. Happy Birthday, Wowa!


a labyrinth.

The Long Test is finally over! Whew. I didn't actually feel it, parang it happened on such a short notice, but yeah, the 2nd departmental test has gone through. *sigh* I'm crossing my fingers for good results. Anyway, I'm still an awardee! Yaay! I'm so happy. I really thought I might've slipped down the slopes already since second year was really harder than I thought. But I'm glad I did well and for that I thank You, Lord!! Congratulations to the other awardees too. Tomorrow will be the assembly and distribution of cards. Yikes.
I'm thinking of taking up Philosophy in college. I don't know, it just popped out of my head. It sounds interesting. Haha. I want to be like Confucius or Lao Tzu. I want to study logic. I want to understand how humans perceive things through different angles. But then again, taking up Philosophy is not practical. It's a course for people who will soon become nuns and priests. Sigh. And I was so interested with the curriculum. Oh well. Another one of my choices is Political Science. This has always been my "default" choice because I've always been interested in this field and I'd like to become a lawyer someday. But looking at our politicians today, I wouldn't want to be involved. I mean, I COULD change the Philippines (haha) but I WOULDN'T dare. The system's too f*cked up already. And a lawyer? Probably just a corporate lawyer, not one who goes to court. Maybe it's not the path for me either..
So what's with all this career talk? I just feel so.. late. I mean, by now people have decided what they want to be, what course they should take, where to go.. it's like their future is already laid before them, and yet here I am still undecided and unsure. I just hope that one day, when I wake up, the perfect school and the perfect course will be right before my eyes. :)
I changed my layout. The "Karla Freety" thing was just temporary. I guess I can say I'm really back now. I missed blogger. Why did I move back anyway? Time isn't so good to me.. I can't upload my Geocities ever now and then.. it's too tiring. Anyway, this layout features my alter ego (hehe) Wonder Woman. I got this from Blogskins and edited it a bit. I'm still too tired to make one enitrely on my own. But I promise I will soon.
I guess this is it for now. Tata.


band-aid please.

They say ending things you want to last forever hurts. And it does. Only not in the way you expect it to be. We all end up thinking "I'm gonna die when it happens" or "I cannot go on living life.. blah, blah" But that's because we don't actually KNOW what it will feel like when it happens. We don't UNDERSTAND why it SHOULD happen.

It was short and yet I felt like it was one of the most substantial conversations ever. For the first time in my life, I cried, partially because it hurt, but mostly because I understood why I had to do it. I cried because I was actually doing it out of a good feeling, and not because of a petty fight or whatnot. It was sad, but at the same time, I felt happy knowing that I don't have to hide anything no more and that I am free of all "denials". But at the same time, I also felt happy because though it had to end this way, I know it's for our good, and I know that somehow, things will still be the same. I prefer not to close my heart and my mind that maybe someday it could happen again, and maybe at a better time. I am not ending this permanently, but maybe this is just the beginning of something more.. something I know I deserve.

It's a little fast actually. I mean, this wasn't planned. Nothing's wrong, everything is in there perfect place. But I guess changes really do come when we least expect them -- surprises. Aah. And what really surprises me more is the fact that, I'm not actually taking this hard. It's actually okay. No feeling of hatred or anger. Of course, I still wish it was back to what it really was, but then I again if you think about it, it's better. It's sad you know? But of course, knowing that what you did is actually not for yourself but for others, well then it feels great. And besides, why should I be sad? I know nothing's gonna change between us. I know things will still be the same. And I know life is going to be okay.

I am not ending my fairy tale yet. Maybe this is just the end of one chapter, or the beginning of a new one. Maybe this isn't really the ending yet, maybe it's just a climax. Or maybe it just isn't the right time, but who knows what could happen?

"If I could, then I would
I'd go wherever you will go.
Way up high, or down low
I'd go wherever you will go."

You're still my superhero. And i'm still as hot as Wonder Woman. :p


whoooops. *boing*

last week was hell week. i am so damn tired and exhausted.
but at least good events happened.
para bang good fruits have been reaped from the hard labor.

1. 2nd place sa sabayan!! yeah boi!! It was really really great! Two times in a row.. wow it feels so good. We actually crammed and finished the piece the day before! The last few parts were a bit shaky but i'm glad we pulled it off. Of course my favorite part was my "solo" part wherein i have to slap Fatima. Unfortunately (for her), I hit her for real and the audience was really shocked!! even me!! Haha. Everyone went "Ah!" and I swear that the was the guiltiest moment of my life! Her mom was even there. Well, that's showbusiness. Hehe. I apologized to her though.. I couldn't go on living if I knew I slapped someone so hard on the face in front of hundreds of people!! btw, congratulations to all the other levels.. we all did our best and I know we all won in God's eyes. :) And also, our trainors are REALLY proud of us! Lots of <3:>



i think i'll be posting here more. Hehe

watch out.