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the big IF.

If I were to name a song that would instantly bring back all the painful memories in the past, it would be She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. It reminds me of all the bitter memories way back in first year and everytime I hear it, I can't help but feel sad. I mean, the lyrics of the song isn't THAT sad but it makes me feel unwanted and betrayed. Never ever play that song to me because it reminds me of someone and something and some issues I'd rather not discuss.

If I were to choose 5 songs that would best describe my feelings towards someone, it would be:
5. I Won't Last A Day Without You by The Carpenters
4. Crazy For You by Madonna
3. Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
2. Out Of My League by Stephen Speaks
1. Broken Sonnet by Hale

If I were to choose a word that I'd really like to use to describe my feelings, it would be nostalgic. It's the bittersweet longing for the past. Longing for something that I used to have and to hold and now I'm not even sure if it's there. If it's still 100% mine. Or is it?

If I were to marry one local celebrity, I would definitely pick Drew Arellano. He's hot, he's cute and he's smart. I really do like him. Too bad he's taken. But one day, he'll be mine. *insert evil laugh here* Hey, Katie Holmes ended up with Tom Cruise, right? So why can't my dream come true?

If I were to be one superhero for a day I would be Wonder Woman. Enough said.

If I were to visit a country that starts with a letter C, I'd go to Croatia. I want to meet Maksim! And besides, it sounds so exotic and adventurous! Hmm.. maybe I really should go there.

If I were to pick a kind of flower that I'd like to receive on any occasion *ehem*, it would be carnations. Pink carnations. or Tulips. I like carnations and tulips. They look so sweet and romantic. Roses, are well, they're okay but they're too cliche. If I'd get to receive even just ONE piece of a pink carnation or tulip, I'd be the happiest little princess. (Of course it also depends on who'll give it to me!)

If I were to pick a place I really hate the most, it would be an alley full of cats. Ugh. Please. I hate cats and I will never like them.

If I were to LEGALLY get mad at someone for one whole day (and legally means I can do mean stuff to her! Hehe), it would (unfortunately) be the lady guard in school. Argh. She makes me soo sick. She is so irritating. She annoys me to death! I wish they put the OLD administration back. And also the other one is a freshie. I dare not mention the name. Thinking about her gives me the creeps. The nerve. >=(

If I were to be a president for one day, I would put all the people in prison! Haha joke. I'd give everyone teddy bears because I believe we all need a hug. But seriously, I'd talk to all the protesters and anti-administration people. I'll sort things out so that the economy will suffer no more.

If I were to be an animal, I would like to be a turtle. Doing things slowly but surely. If you asked me this a few weeks back, I'd probably say frog since I'll get to be kissed by a prince of some sort, but after the dissection, ugh. Never mind. Turtles have always been one of my choices for pets. I never had one but I think they'll make good pets. (Turtle-owners, is this true?! Disprove me if it isn't!)

If I were to become one famous celebrity for one day, I'd gladly be Audrey Hepburn. She was for me, the most beautiful and elegant actress there ever was. I admire her poise and glamour. I wish I could be just like her someday. "Oh, I love Tiffany's!"

If I were to star in a movie, I'd like it to be 50 First Dates. It's so sweet that it makes my endorphins all jumpy. Hehe. I'll also consider Paris When It Sizzles, Breakfast At Tiffany's, An Affair To Remember and Dirty Dancing 2.

If I were to go to Europe, the top 5 countries I'll go to will be:
5. Italy
4. Croatia
3. Greece
2. France
1. Austria

If I were to wish for one material thing for my birthday it would be the complete Gossip Girl set. I know you'd probably think of me as a poor girl because I only have the first two books but honestly, I don't have enough money to buy continuously one after the other! So yes, I need the whole set. I really need to know what'll happen to Blair, Nate and Serena. Giving me the whole set will definitely make my, not just my day, but my YEAR. Wow. Imagine that. Haaayy. I lurve New York.

If I were to wish for one non-material thing for my birthday it would be spending the day without hearing anything about the people I hate the most or people who have done something that bruised me emotionally. They may not know it but they have greatly affected me in some way. One of them already left (thank God), one of them is still in school in the SAME department as I am, the other one, well I'd rather not mention. She's someone I used to like, but you know well, it's complicated. I'd rather not mention. I do not hate her but, oh crap.

If I were to change one attitude I have, it would be not forgetting. Because unfortunately, I hold grudges. I do not let go of things and people who have hurt me. Whether they are aware of this or not, there will always be a part of me that will NEVER forget what they did to me. Betrayal, stealing, unknown "selfishness" of some sort or whatever, I just cannot forget that. And though I will not literally kill them or hurt them, I will probably forever hold that grudge that THIS person did something to me that I really despise or don't like. And also, there's another thing I'd like to change. It would be absorbing. Yes, up to now, I admit, I still have bottled up emotions deep inside. I just cannot admit them because I know people will call me over-acting when I do. It all somehow boils down to the fear that people will not want me anymore because I have too much jealousy or pride. I admit, there are feelings I want to admit to people but I just can't because I feel like I've said it to them for how many times and yet I still feel the same way. Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I FORGET? Why can't people understand that when I DON'T LIKE SOMEONE, I just don't? Why can't people understand that I feel really bad when they STILL do something that they know I don't want them to do? See, when they keep on doing this, I prefer to just keep all my feelings inside. After all, they don't listen to me anyway.

Whoever reads this blog, no ill feelings okay? You're probably not the one I'm talking about anyway. But if you think you are, well I'm sorry. This is my blog and I have all the authority to say what I want to say. Besides I did not mention any names so how'd you know it was you?

10 days to go before the 26th.
I need to go to school.
I need to see someone.
I need A HUG.

"Stacy's mom has got it going on.."
Boo. Unwanted LSS.