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I truly am a good person. *ting*

I usually see myself as a not-so-good person. I deal with things like any average 13-(turning 14.. hehe)-year-old would do, sometimes in an irritated or hyperactive way. My mood flips 180 in less than 10 seconds and I tend to get vain. I admit that I am self-centered most of the time and I tend to think that the world revolves around me, sweet beautiful me.

I don't expect to be loved by all, and I don't expect to love all either. Love me, then you get love back. Hate me and you'll get all the hate you want. I expect to react to things my way, and I expect others to do my way as well. I get mad like a kid, too. I sneer at other people when I hate them, I raise my eyebrow and act like a little 7-year-old getting angry at her playmate. If I don't want you, then don't push it. That's that. Case closed. I'm such a brat.

But you know what surprises me? When I do things I never expect I could do. I mean, I'm not THAT selfish, but sometimes I just shock myself with all the crazy things I suddenly come up with. Like this one instance for example. There's this girl I really, really dislike in the first year (I mentioned her in my previous posts already). We're really not in good terms. We didn't fight or what, but I just don't like her attitude. She's not my friend and she's out of my circle. But the other day, she asked for a reco letter from me, and did you know what snotty old me said? "Sure." Not the plastic kind of yes but a real yes, as if we've been really good friends. That night I found it hard to right her a reco letter. And yes, I actually had a plan of acting all sweet in a 'plastic' way. But no, I actually made her a true and sincere letter, and I even said I want to become friends. Isn't this a miracle?! A girl I've always loved to hate.. wow.

And take this, I suddenly find attending the early mass every Friday fulfilling. I'm a lector during the 6:00 mass sponsored by the Paulinians at St. Andrew's every Friday. When I was in the first year, I find it really, really hard to wake up at 4:30. I think the only reason I did it was because I was afraid that God (and Sr. Fides) would punish me. But ever since the new school year began, I really wanted to attend every Friday. I want to do it for the Lord, not because I was afraid of Him but because I really do want to serve Him. I find it very satisfying to proclaim the Word of God, even though my audience are the lolos and lolas. And even though I'm not assigned as a reader, I still attend the mass. "Makikisimba lang po ako," That's what I said to my teacher when she asked why I was there last Friday when I wasn't chosen to read. And it's true. I didn't go to mass just so I could read but because I really want to go and ask for God's guidance. So whether I am a reader or not, I wake up at 4:30 every Friday just to serve the Lord. The other day, I never thought my teacher would tell my class and the other class about it and she even gave me as an example to the other students. I felt really happy. =] I love you, God!!!

I know we all have this pasaway attitude within us, this feeling that says it's fun to do things on our own, to don't care about other people and live life carelessly. But let me tell you, it feels better to do good things, really good things every once in a while. When you actually do things for others and not for yourself, it really gives you a feeling of contentment and pride. I pray that I could be more like this all the time. Less self-centered and actually be a help to others, not a pain.I feel really, really good. Just a while ago I bumped into my former "foe" and do you know what I did? I said hi. *wink*

Mind you, I'm not an angel.
That's too much.
I'm just living up the name I gave myself,
Little Miss Nice.

6 days to go.

"these are the moments , these are the times, let's make the best out of our lives.."