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donut worry, i'm gonna be ookie.

We went to SM today and got myself a tall glass of Mocha Valencia, hoping that it might make me feel better for a little while. And yes, I felt like heaven while savoring every sip but afterwards I realized it was a very, very wrong move! Now, I'm all dizzy and my heart is racing. I'm so nervous! I don't even know why. This is how I feel when there are big presentations or exams coming up, but no, today is just an ordinary day. I have never felt this way after drinking coffee before! I couldn't sleep.. I'm on a high! I couldn't even type properly on the keyboard and I'm hearing voices in my head: Nathan and Haley's. Haha. Don't worry I don't think I'm going crazy though.

Anyway, I think the coffee has some good side effects too since I was able to apologize to the people I hurt. Quite unsuspected but the caffeine probably switched me to kapal-face mode that was why I was able to muster enough courage and say sorry. Well, well. I guess I can say that the drama is ALMOST over. I just hope things will get better soon.

Ever heard of the Celestine Prophecy? It's a book about the coincidences in our lives. My aunt told me that in the book, it says that sometimes these coincidences were meant to be seen, these signs were destined for us because it will direct us to the path we are meant to live. I have yet to read the book, but so far I'm believing it. It's something like serendipity. Fate. And isn't it great to believe in this? I mean, yeah, the world I live in now is very stereotypical. Happiness only depends on beauty, popularity and for some, sex. But I actually believe in signs. I know there are there for a purpose. The signs are not going to make things happen, it's going to MOVE US to make things happen. Again, I'm reminded of the song "Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot. I'm thinking of this other thing and I'm actually considering things through. All the signs are like pointing to a decision.. but I'm still having a dilemma. Oh well, maybe it's about time I stop being so selfish. And it's also probably about time to make Dare You To Move the soundtrack of my life. After all, you can always think that today never happened before. Wink. ;)

Now that I've mentioned it, I guess I have to really think about it now, huh? It's techincally an easy choice considering all the good consequences that might come after doing it, but it still makes me feel bad about all the things that will change. See, I'm a person who HATES change, really. I hate it that things aren't going to stay perfect forever. I hate it that when things are going great, something is gonna disrupt it. I hate it that not everything goes my way. But that's life right? Ironic as it sounds, change is constant. And sometimes, even though it hurts, maybe all we have to do is see the good that might come out of it. We can't stop it. Sometimes, we just have to take the risk for something better. And who knows what would happen when we actually make the right choices? I know that sometimes making the right decisions is hard, especially if it means giving up something important to us. But we will never know until it happens, right? Maybe after this, all will be better. Maybe, things will turn out to be much more exciting than before. And maybe, just maybe, I'm still going to get my happy ending after all. Whatever happens, I'll still be hanging on.

Wow, now I realize maybe drinking coffee isn't as bad as it seems. I was able to make my decision!! Haha. Funny how things work. Anyway, I was watching OTH (again!) in my room and it just made me feel better once more. After all the bizarre happenings, I sort of forgot how it feels like to just sit on my bed and watch my favorite people go through their lives. It makes me feel quite happy actually, knowing that I'm not caught up in a love triangle with my best friend or that I don't have any secret half-brothers who steal my thunder. Then I suddenly remembered about the Karla-Haley thing. I'm okay with me still trying to be like her. I haven't had a total transformation yet, though. I'm not rushing myself. I'll just let things flooooow. Now that I think about it, maybe I really did make the right choice. And I'm glad that whatever happens, I know I have a Nathan there to be with me. Woohoo! Go Mrs. Scott.

I have to go. Geometry assignment. Sheesh, properties of a proportion? Another new lesson to love and hate. Love to all.

"And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you.."