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wednesday the 15th

Is there such a thing?
Remember how lucky I felt on Friday the 13th? Well I suppose, the gods and goddesses of destiny really wouldn't let me get away with it. And they have to do it on the day after V-day. Is this how post-Valentine's should be like?

I have been experiencing hyperacidity since yesterday and up to now, the pain is still half-killing me. The medicines given to me were effective for a while but the pain comes back eventually, after a few hours or so. Sometimes it's bearable, sometimes it's not. And then an unexpected "visitor" came by today and doubled my body pain. Argh. This is so not good.

Anyway, you probably noticed the new layout. Blah. Too tired to explain. Basta, temporary lang to. Well, at least as long as the crappy feeling doesn't go away then this will stay. Haha.

I always tell myself that everyday is like a page in the book of life, as days go by you get nearer to the happy ending. Ironically, the opposite is happening to me. As each day comes to an end, I feel like I'm being pulled further and further away from that rainbow-colored ending. And now all I can see are dark clouds and rain. Happy ending nowhere in sight. Haaay. I feel so guilty of something I don't know today. Apparently, there was something I didn't say to someone that made her feel bad. I don't know what it is, but from the looks of it, it's kind of HUGE. And now I really don't know WHAT to feel anymore. You know? Someone gets mad at me for saying something, and now even not telling something leads to a problem. Okay, so I'm not saying that wala na akong kasalanan (though I really don't know what I did wrong). I just really really feel like a HUGE piece of crap. I'm like this huge, gigantic and big piece of walking CRAP. And I hate this feeling. People who know me can attest to the fact that I really hate disappointing people who mean a lot to me. But most of the time I really do -- unpurposely. And I can't help it that sometimes I really say mean words or I forget to do some things. In the end, I hate the feeling of making someone feel bad because of something you did na unconsciously, hurt someone pala. All I ever wanted was for things to be happy but it turns out, that's not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe you're expecting a crying Karla, but no surprisingly I'm not crying. No tears are coming out of my eyes probably because I feel numb, or my eyes are all dried out already. Whatever. I don't know what I did, what I said, what I DIDN'T do or DIDN'T say. All I really want is for things to go back to the way they are, back to when there were no mountains in between, back when no one else cared, back when there were no others, back when things weren't so complicated, back when nothing else mattered. I just want things to be okay. And though I know it's not going to be anytime soon, I hope you know that I really do want us to be okay again.

I'm sorry. I don't know why but I just want to say sorry because I know I owe you one. And I don't know how hurt you are or how painful it is but I want you to know that the last thing I want to do is make you feel bad. And I probably did it because I didn't want to cause any more troubles.

Then again, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED so how am I supposed to know if this apology is appropriate?! Darn. Why, oh, why do they have to leave me out of this when in fact I'M the one concerned? Sheesh.

Okay, Karla, crappy time over.
Time to make reco letters.
(finally, Reco na rin namin!)

(got the pic from Kukote)
a pic of my heart, everyone.
belated happy chuba day nga pala.

ouch. tummy still hurting. :'(