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this is how much i love my dress.

I was inspired to make a new layout because of it. I know it's funny and vain and probably a little over the top, but can you blame me for actually falling in love with my five hundred peso piece of treasure?! I only took three pictures of me wearing it right after I arrived because I didn't want it to lose the magic, you know the sudden rush of "fabulosity" you feel while wearing it -- if you could call it that. But I've been told that I actually look pretty good in it.. I just don't know when I'm going to wear it for real. Hopefully soon, and hopefully people will love it just as much as I do. In the meantime, enjoy the layout. =)

Forgive the vanity. HAHA!

Wilhela Cushman was responsible for the quote in my header by the way. For so long, I have been reading fashion magazines and I always come across famous designers or personalities saying that everyone always has that one piece of clothing that can you make you feel instantly beautiful. And they say it's the little black dress. You know, a la Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast At Tiffany's, or Jennifer Aniston during the 2006 Oscars. I'm not really sure about that, and I'm uncertain if the dress Wilhela was talking about was indeed a little black dress, but I do believe that everyone deserves to have that one getup that will surely make everyone turn their heads and make way for you. Wouldn't that be gratifying? To know that when everything else fails, you can still look confident and pretty thanks to your never-failing outfit? I'd want to have my own little black dress one day, and see how true the impact of Coco Chanel's famous idea would be in my life. But of course, until that day, I'd have to settle with my pretty floral dress =)

I cannot believe I'm blogging this time of night (or is it morning?) about a dress. Haha. How insane can I get? I seriously need to get some rest. Or at least change the topic.

It suddenly dawned on me that this year would be my last year in high school. (Well, DUH, Karla!) My last ten months of going to school in that black-and-white checkered skirt and tie, last ten months of attending pullout classes in the afternoon, last ten months of falling in line for chits, last ten months for many things. And though it would be typical for me to say "I'm going to make the best out of it!" right now, 'm actually scared. I mean, sure of course I really want to do good this year, but beyond the determination is the fear. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff, or on the last stepping stone towards a bigger rock. The pressure is excruciating. They say senior year is just like a passing-by year, and all the burdens are in third year. So I ended the previous school year with a huge smile on my face because I thought the weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now, I'm starting to realize how a bigger load has to be taken care of. Suddenly, everyone has been pushing me like never before. It really is unfair how at fifteen, you have to decide on who and what you're going to be probably for the rest of your life. Let's face it: how you do well in your last ten months in high school, how high your score in the college entrance exams will probably define who you are for the next couple of years. In my best trying-hard British accent, I want to scream out, "It's bloody overwhelming!" It's bloodcurdling! But of course, there's not much I can do about it. This is how things are. And right now the only thing that's comforting me about this is Peyton, referring to some lines she said on one of my favorite podcasts by her:

"The other day, I was at the riverwalk and I saw this skater kid with a t-shirt, had this Swahili Warrior song on it - it said, 'Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the gods. So let us celebrate the struggle.' I think that's right, you know, when you stop fighting, you stop living. We all need that thing that's worth fighting for and I don't know, maybe it's a certain someone, a special place, maybe just an idea. So to all my fellow Swahili Pod Warriors out there: find your fight, and then fight like hell until your battle is won."

And for someone who doesn't like Peyton that much, I'm gladly taking her advice. I'm going to fight like hell. And if ever I still don't appease destiny or karma or whatever, at least I'll know I did my part.

This is a sort of illegal post seeing that I'm blogging at 12:30 am and everyone else is asleep in our household. Fortunately though, Mr. Sandman decided to drop by and made me want to lie in the comfort of my soft bed, hugging my pillow and baby stuffed doll in an air-conditioned room. Sounds good enough to, err, sleep. Haha. Good night, y'all.

x x x