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seven days.

Seven days. Sounds scary because it reminds me of The Ring and Sadako's curse. Sounds exciting because it brings to mind the mini-soap opera of Pond's flawless white. Haha.

Seven days from now will be the last time I'll get to wear my Paulinian uniform ever. Seven days from now will be the last time I'll sing the Paulinian Hymn and Paulinian Mission Song. Seven days from now will be the last gathering I'll have with all of my batchmates. Seven days from now will be the last night I get to call St. Paul my home.

Seven days from now, I'll be graduating.

I never thought it could be this so overwhelming. I'm sitting in front of my computer knowing that the week that lies before me would be my last in High School. I want to do so many things to savor the remaining moments -- take pictures, talk to people, stand in the middle of the campus and just take everything in. For twelve years I've been in this school and it was only recently that I realized how this school really is my home. My life revolved in this school, and I know nothing about the 'real world' out there. Maybe I come armed with sufficient knowledge but experience? I don't think so. So yes, I'm dying to see the world out there. SPCP has been my cocoon, taking me in as a young caterpillar, and now I'm ready to soar like the butterfly that I am. I can't wait.

But I am honestly scared as well. Like what I said, I know nothing about what's outside the walls of our school. Sure, I can commute to and from our house, MOA, SM Sucat or other nearby places, but can I really handle it all on my own? I've always felt sure of myself when I go out thinking that I'm all grown-up but in reality, I'm really still an inexperienced newbie. And yes, I can probably consider myself friendly because I have many friends from different year levels. But what if that's just because of my visibility in school? Now that I think about it, I am nothing compared to the millions of people out there, journeying the streets of Manila. Why haven't I felt this way before in my entire life?

It's probably because I've always felt safe in St. Paul, I can let my guard down here. All my friends are here, and I know most of the people in this place by their faces, if not by their names. It's my comfort zone and as cliche as it sounds, it's my home away from home. I probably spend more time here than at home considering our usual Saturday classes and late dismissals. I know of no other school than St. Paul, and I can't imagine calling myself an "alumna."

Perhaps it's not the Graduation itself I fear, but the aftermath. What will happen and what will be left of us? -- those are the big questions. And I guess we'll never really know until it comes. One side of me wants to fast forward to the 15th already while the other want to freeze time. It's like it's so close, but still so far away. But there's pretty much nothing I can do about it. It will come, and it's up to me how I'll handle life after it.

Seven days. I certainly hope that seven days from now won't be the last time I get to call myself a Paulinian.

At feel na feel ko naman.

This photo was taken during our practices for our Gratitude Night. So is my picture for my new layout. I know, I know, a totally funny pose. But if I'm going to look back on my high school days, this is exactly how I want to remember it -- feel na feel ang pag-nguso =) Sayaw Darling may come and go, but I'll always be Girl Nguso. Despite the apprehensions high school may have brought to my life, I get by with pouting my lips and singing, "Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes!"

OUCH, and suddenly I remembered I won't get to watch Incubus tomorrow night. Hayy. I love you, Brandon Boyd. Forgive me. ♥