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On hormones.

I guess it's obvious that one of my most overused phrase is "raging teenage hormones."

It always finds its way into my speech -- as a reason and excuse, or a statement of a fact. Either way, it has been a part of my vocabulary. Raging teenage hormones this, raging teenage hormones that. The surge of these chemicals is like a license to crankiness and indecisiveness, especially for us girls. It can let you get away with anything. Well, for me at least.

It was pheromones that brightened up my morning when I caught a whiff of an increasingly familiar scent. It was serotonin that kept me awake in Geog class despite the pains in my lower abdomen. It was oxytocin that allowed me to open up to a close friend and share to her my secrets and musings. It was a combination of dopamine and adrenaline that made me yearn for my late lunch. It was endorphin that brought satisfaction to me when I gave a very good friend who needed some cheering up presents.

(Okay, Biology majors, feel free to correct me anytime!)

I can blame the hormones for everthing. I can let them do the explaining. They are my reasons, my excuse, my justification. Sure, it may be irrational. But come on -- it's that time of the month! You can't really expect me to be sensible today.

But it wasn't adrenaline, endorphins, or oxytocin that I felt surging through my veins when someone showed up today. Why? Why wasn't there a spine-tingling, heartbeat-racing connection? It's not so much that I still want it there, more like, I'm not used to its absence.

What surprises me is how reasonable my realization was at the end of my day. I'm normally irrational and moody when it's code red. I lose the capacity to connect the dots and put the pieces of the puzzle together. However when I stepped back and looked at the greater picture, I finally proved to myself what I've been wanting to see all along. Everything made sense now.

There was no more spark left -- at all.

And you know what?
I'm glad. And relieved.

Who knew being hormonal can lead to being rational, too?


Second long exam on Italian 11, and first exam on Geog 1 on Thursday.
Yeyy for stress caused by acads!