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Legally pink!

Guess who the birthday girl came as? :P

You are all awesome, friends :)
I love you!


These mem'ries will recall.

Yesterday I went back to St. Paul and claimed my high school yearbook.

The Paulinian 08
(That's our feet right there!)

To say that it was nostalgic would be an understatement. As I stepped on the grounds of what used to be my home, everything just came rushing back in. The Paulinians were having their Intrams practices for next week yesterday, so the place was filled with people, drum beats, and human pyramids. So many things have changed, and yet I felt like nothing has. Suddenly, I could imagine Trixie calling me to announce something over the PA, or Hope shouting my name in excitement, or Nica tugging my skirt back to the room -- it was high school all over again. I felt naked walking through the campus with my civilian clothes on.

It's been almost two years.
But it was home.

One touching moment was bumping into batchmates upon arriving at the Business Office to claim my yearbook. We weren't close, and we weren't classmates, but somehow, we stood there together along the counter, carefully flipping through the pages and all together saying, "Awwwww. Nakaka-miss." It was moving how reminiscing brought us somewhat together in those first few moments of glancing at the book. It sounds cheesy looking back on it now -- but God, the goosebumps were undeniable. It was like opening a window to the past.

It was a bittersweet experience, drowning myself in wistfulness. I really, really miss the Seni08rs. I was laughing as I read the descriptions I wrote for my friends and for our class (St. Jane), well mostly because of the typos, but also because I could remember writing them on a 1/2 crosswise before recess and asking for Cream-Os as payment. And it surprised me how spot-on the words still are even if it's been more than a year later. I also suddenly remembered the night I wrote the Letter from the Editors, how it somehow felt obligatory, but oh how it rang so true now.

I cannot write a post about the yearbook without congratulating our EIC, Catherine Pascual. We really couldn't have finished this if it weren't for you. I'm so proud to be part of the yearbook staff because you were our leader :)

My St. Paul days may be long gone, but the Paulinian spirit lives on.

Hark, daughter of the great St. Paul! :)


Off to party! Sinong magbbirthday na? :)


Hell hath no fury...

It's funny how for the last few weeks, something inside me has been wanting to get angry. It's weird, I know, but lately I've been finding solace in angsty rock songs. It's like I've been meaning to get mad at someone. I suppose it's because I never really do. Sure I have petty fights with my parents, or little arguments with friends, or the eventual disdain over a professor, but other than that I rarely get fuming mad. So maybe it's my body's way of reminding me that, "Hey girl, you need a healthy dose of rage too."

Enter 30 Seconds To Mars. Do you know how relieving it is to scream out The Kill with much conviction? Bury me, bury me, I am finished with yoooooou. Yes, I have my emo-screamo moments too, only they are fueled by songs and not by any real emotions.

But Jared Leto isn't really the point here.

So last night was quite eventful. In a nutshell, I found out about some things that 1) shocked me, 2) appalled me, and 3) hurt me. Of course I wouldn't go into all the gory details here (because I'm classy like that, haha) but let's just say it actually gave me more than enough reason to throw around chairs and break windows. Yes, it was that bad.

There, so I got what I wanted. I had every reason last night to finally fulfill my unexplainable, unfulfilled need to be infuriated, but what happened?

I popped the earphones and listened to 30 Seconds to Mars.
This time, they consoled me, instead of igniting the fury. It felt so lethargic.

I'm still quite surprised at myself, really. I swear in my mind last night was a string of expletives (in English, Filipino, and Italian -- yes, I'm snooty.) but I didn't utter a word. I never felt the urge to dial someone up and yell at them. Okay, so I cried a few tears, but I never really wreaked such a havoc. I was just.. quiet.

In CW100 class, every plot line must have a turning point. As you get deeper into the climax, something unexpected will flip things around. Something should shake things up. It need not be dramatic, just a word, an event, a moment where suddenly everything will change. And suddenly, nothing is the same anymore. This makes your character more three-dimensional, more realistic.

I think we need our turning points in real life, too. I guess it is during these little, silent moments that we begin to see who we are outside our everyday default settings. It is when we are triggered to an emotion so much more overwhelming than what we are used to that we see how capable we are at handling emotional turmoil. And it is only when we rise to the occasion that we realize how far we've come, how much better we are than what we thought we'd be, how much we've grown.

I needed something to get me mad, probably because that feeling has been dormant for quite some time now. But I also wanted a sign before I turn 18 that I'm doing things right, that I'm on the right track. I don't think last night was as melodramatic as your everyday soap opera (Though I had to admit, it did feel a little bit OTH-ish to me. And no, not in a Nathan-Haley kind of way) but it was intense for me nonetheless. But I got a hold of myself. And now looking back, I realized that I'm still a pretty decent human being after all.

So what am I going to do now?

I still don't know really. Suddenly, that's a few persons off the list of people I trust. But this is how life is. There are people who will hurt you, people who will take advantage of you. The challenge is to get past it and learn. We all know this, but maybe every now and then it just needs some reinforcing. But I'm going to get over this soon, I know it. I won't let this ruin my upcoming birthday. If anything, I see it as a blessing in disguise. At least, that's one shady secret out in the open -- now, it won't hurt me anymore.

As 30STM puts it in A Modern Myth, "The secret is out." Then Jared sings goodbye, seventeen times. What an epic ending that is.

And so, that's how this will end too. Goodbye.


Geeeez, I sound so mature. Are the raging teenage hormones dying already? :))


Pre-birthday anxiety.

In exactly a week, I would be turning 18. Legal. A huge milestone. But I'm not feeling the birthday spirit at all. Well, at least not yet.

I'm blaming acads. Trust school work to kill even my always-enthusiastic birthday disposition with such gusto. I can't even begin to wax philosophical on how life-changing turning 18 would be because of all the stress. I feel like I'm supposed to be blogging about how excited about growing older, how nostalgic I am about the past, how different everything is -- you know, the usual.

But no, no, no. I am far too busy to ponder about that.

Matapos ka na kasi, sem.
Please? :)



Some things just never stop frustrating you. Like acads. Or boys.


Dearest Sembreak,

What's taking you so long? How much longer do I have to wait?

About a week to go for me. My classes end on Wednesday but there are still deadlines for final manuscripts and projects, plus one more exam to go. I know my remaining schedule is quite light as compared to others because I'm done with my finals, but this doesn't make me any less stressed. And once again, anxiety is creeping up to me.

Add the fact that I have colds, and my head hurts because I overslept this afternoon/evening.

On the brighter side of things, our Italian11 prof already emailed our grades to us this evening and I am very, very pleased :) Sono molto felice con la mia classe italiana perche giustifica il RockBand! :)) Well, at least that's one thing that paid off already.

Please come soon. I need you. I want you.


Think happy thoughts.

After a week of pseudo-sem break, we're back to school.

I wonder if stress can be physically tangible. Because upon stepping on UP ground this morning, I felt the collective anxiety filling up the atmosphere. Everyone looked tired, probably from all the readings they have to catch up on. The place we always sit on was filled with disgruntled, worried noises, all worrying about exams or projects. And if you breathe deep enough, I swear, you could probably smell the tension around you. Stress. Ahhhh. Hello, hell week.

Our last day has been moved to the 13th.

The thought that this coming Thursday should have been the last day still frustrates me to pieces. Setting aside the trauma that last week had caused due to the typhoons, for a student, the delay is more exasperating than helpful, because most of our assignments couldn't have been accomplished at home. Meetings that could have been finished, projects that could have been done, examinations that could have been taken -- argh. But all the complaining in the world won't make them go away.

So I guess I just have to close my eyes, think positive thoughts and get myself through this week. Just one more week, Karla. One more week. Then.. fuhreeeedoooom!

Speaking of happy thoughts..

This is why we're addicted.

How you look like while playing Rock Band.

How you feel like while playing Rock Band.

I will use RockBand to motivate me. Study hard, rock hardeeeer! \m/


The aftermath.

What a devastating weekend it has been.

I wouldn't even try and elaborate how badly we were hit by typhoon Ondoy because the effects are so obvious. It came at an unexpected time, and the results are completely distressing especially because it hit so close to home, literally. It's not just something we saw on TV, it really happened to us, our families, our friends.

I was stuck at the dorm Friday evening because my Saturday classes weren't suspended until late that night. So the whole Saturday, I was just inside my room, with my phone, iPod, and laptop charging. I was anticipating the blackout. I couldn't leave because in front of our room, it was already starting to flood and our kitchen had started getting wet. I just decided to finish my due papers while waiting for the rains to stop. (Un)fortunately it didn't, but thankfully I managed to finish three papers! That's the only bright side to all this I guess. I had no choice but to stay in and just write, so yes, I was able to do two reaction papers and one short story.

I spent the night with Trixie, my friend, at the third floor. When we went out for dinner at the store just beside our dorm, we saw the whole Katipunan strip was dark and flooded. Apparently, we were the only ones (I think) whose electricity didn't get cut. Thank God for that. I am really thankful that I had Trixie with me that night, otherwise I would've gone crazy since the Globe signal was already starting to fail me and I had no way out. I started frantically texting my friends, asking them how they were especially the ones in Cainta, Rizal, and Marikina. That night we watched the news and saw how terrible the situation was in the nearby areas.

I commuted home to Paranaque the next day and thankfully arrived home.

I feel lucky that we weren't as distraught here in Paranaque, but a part of me also feels guilty that most people out there are suffering while I was just here at home playing Wii and watching TV. So yesterday, I went to UP with some of my friends to help out with the relief operations led by the University Student Council. We helped out in the packing at first, and eventually were deployed to Old Balara a few minutes outside UP. Thankfully their area wasn't as devastated because the flood has already subsided, but they were still in dire need of food and clothes nonetheless. It was actually quite nostalgic for me, it made me remember our Community Extension Service subject way back in fourth year high school. There really is no greater feeling than knowing you have helped someone in any way possible.

The only thing we can do right now is really try to help. I hope everyone else goes out there and extend their helping hand to those who were greatly affected by Ondoy. Please, if there are relief operations around your area, do your part and reach out. :) Even the smallest contributions matter.


I had to leave the relief operations early yesterday though for my scheduled anti-cervical cancer vaccine at my mom's office in Makati. I was actually quite nervous because I've been hearing that it's really quite painful because the medicine was viscous. But I'm used to getting shots anyway, so what the hell.

Now my arm still hurts. *tear*


Three of my friends went here last Monday for RockBand. Hindi talaga papatinag sa bagyo :))


My v3x finally gave up on me last Tuesday :(((