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Spillover ponderings.

We're seven days into the new year and yet somehow I'm just only realizing stuff about 2009. I guess I've been putting off my dramatic recollections for some other time, or probably dodging it completely because I just want to let it all go, but because of our Philo1 class today I was forced to look back and reflect on how 2009 really was.

Actually, our prof asked us about one belief that we've held onto for almost all our lives until we grew up and realized they weren't necessarily true. Like Santa Claus, for example.

When I was a kid, I was made to believe that as long as you're a good person you can get whatever you want. It was an effective motivation for me, especially for school. I would study well and get good grades because I knew I would get a prize after: a new toy or dress. It's a rational way of looking at things -- do good, get reward. But then growing up, I found out it doesn't always turn out that way. Sometimes, things still don't go your way even if you know you truly deserved it. No matter how hard you work for something, sometimes it just won't fall onto your lap.

Long story short: Life's unfair.

Well that's cynical. But I guess that really how things turn out most of the time, and that has proven itself true time and time again for me, especially in 2009. I couldn't understand why things just didn't go smoothly when I was doing nothing wrong. I knew I deserved to get what I wanted, but I still didn't get it. Twice.

I guess we all come out a little bit more jaded as more new years become last years and more life becomes history. Honestly, what has this "uncovering" of reality caused me other than suffering? Now I have to live through the fact that life is devious. It's always out to get me.

But is that any reason to just give up completely? No. If anything, it should make us better persons -- it teaches us to deal with miseries, and be more grateful for the blessings.

So 2009, you may have been tiring and heartbreaking. But what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger :) Now, I'm really ready for you 2010!

P.S. I'm reconsidering: I think I just might consider having a new year's resolution -- SLEEP MORE. Gaaah, I haven't truly appreciated the beauty of afternoon siestas until yesterday!