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Gray skies.

Your bed is a mess
When gray skies start to tremble
I fall into it


Blogger: Dashboard.

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I just logged in my Blogger account when it suddenly dawned on me.




Thank you, CRS!

It has always been a vicious love-hate cycle between the CRS and the rest of the UP Diliman students. It's much like the dream girl everyone wants to snag -- it's the embodiment of pure frustration. You get your hopes up so high, anticipating a much desired result, only to end up rejected and defeated. You try and try until you get what you deserve, only to be turned down in the end. The CRS is treacherous and cunning -- especially to (embittered) upperclassmen. But then again, it has its good moments. Much like any girl being courted, maybe it's just asking you to be more patient. And persevering. Because sometimes, if you're lucky, you get the much needed love you so rightfully deserve.

(Or maybe it's the gods way of bringing me back good karma for not cursing the CRS so much?)

This semester, I got a PE! Through pre-enlistment! I cannot even begin to explain how excited I am over this! Woooooh! Duckpin Bowling! I don't care how lame it might sound, as long as I have a PE!

Dear CRS, you deserve to be thanked in this post. I love yoooou! \:D/


Shuffle Wednesday - 0526

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It's Wednesday today and guess who's not forgetting? :) I came back from Singapore last Monday evening and boy did I have a blast! Universal Studios Singapore was just pure awesome! I had a loooot of fun. And of course, the shopping was incredible! I won't be spilling the beans on where I got most of my new stuff, but let's just say my wardrobe just got a lot cuter :) I shall definitely return to Singapore! Anyway, on to business. I wrote down the songs from the return flight to Manila. It surprised me actually because I found them quite cohesive. And aptly very relaxing. Too bad my iPod konked out in the last hour of the flight. :|

The Airplane Shuffle (Singapore - Manila Mix)

The Geek In The Pink by Jason Mraz
"I could be the one to turn you out / We could be the talk across the town / Don't judge me by the color, confuse it for another / You might regret what you let slip away / Like the geek in the pink"
- For some reason I can totally identify with this song. And yes, this also further strengthens my theory that geeks are really hot.

I Write Sins Not Tragedies (Cover) by The String Quartet
- You definitely have to download all the String Quartet covers of famous songs, most especially the rock and alternative ones! Must-hear!

Love Soon by John Mayer
"You can cross the line whenever you want to / I'm calling it love soon / Close your mind and waste some time if you have to / I'm calling it love soon / It's not about you now / it's what we are"
- The perfect song for that "More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers" stage. I'm telling you, John Mayer is a god.

All That I Want by The Weepies
"And when the cold wind's blowing / Snow drifts through the pine trees / In houses lights are glowing / Likewise in your eyes that find me here / With all that I want"
- It's a cute Christmas song to snuggle to.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow by Amy Winehouse
"I'd like to know that your love / Is love I can be sure of / So tell me now, cause I won't ask again / Will you still love me tomorrow?"
- This song reminds me of this scene in (500) Days of Summer after Tom and Summer fight about their "status" and Summer comes over to apologize. Then Tom says, "I just need consistency. I need to know you won't wake up tomorrow and feel a different way." Aww.

More Today Than Yesterday by Spiral Starecase
"I love you more today than yesterday / But not as much as tomorrow / Oh I love you more today than yesterday / But darling not as much as tomorrow"
- Some old songs just never go out of style. Simple yet very sweet. Romantic but not overly cheesy. Also, this reminds me of Ayala Malls. Heehee.

Stacy's Mom by Fountains of Wayne
"Stacy's mom has got it going on / She's all I want and I waited for so long / Stacy can't you see / You're just not the girl for me / I know I might be wrong / But I'm in love with Stacy's mom"
- EPIC. This was one of my favorite songs in Grade 6. I loved this song and the video too! It's what every pre-pubescent boy's fantasies are made of.

Good Times Gonna Come by Aqualung
"Need to know / If you're letting go / It's alright, alright, it's alright / Didn't know / I was hurting you so / It's alright, alright, it's alright"
- Aqualung has mastered the art of writing haunting, heart-wrenching songs. It sings of pain and struggle, but also of willingness and sacrifice.

A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds To Mars
"It's a beautiful lie / It's the perfect denial / Such a beautiful lie to believe in / So beautiful / beautiful lie"
- Aaaah. Another 30STM classic. This is another one of those songs I would so wholeheartedly sing in the shower to let out all my frustrations and anger. Hahaha. Well, if the melody isn't enough to make you feel angry, the words will. Liessss.

Lie In The Sound by Trespassers William
"I love you more than I should / So much more than is good for me / More than is good / Oh the timing is cruel / Oh I need and don't want to need / More than I should"
- I love this song. I first heard it in OTH 2x01, during Nathan and Haley's wedding. It's the perfect encapsulation of this frustrating, needy feeling we all have when we're at the threshold of giving up but still holding on, just because.



Shuffle Wednesday - 0519

Sorry wasn't able to do The Shuffle last week, but we're back in action today! So we're leaving for Singapore later today, around 9 pm, and we'd be back by Monday next week. I'm pretty excited for this trip because 1) I've been wanting to have a real, proper summer getaway because my summer this year was taken up by acads, 2) I want to go shopping again, and 3) Universal Studios Singapore! \m/ Little known fact: My tita, mom's sister, is the project manager of Universal Studios Singapore so we've all known this for a few years already, seeing her designs and all the other cool rides and now finally, I get to experience it! So yeaaaah!

Anyway, it will be a long three-hour journey with no in-flight movie (Boo, Cebu Pacific, boo) so I'm planning to entertain myself with a good book, fun iPod movies (Mean Girls never gets old), and of course, a new random playlist. So without further ado:

This Side - Nickel Creek
(A.K.A.: Almost Kinda Acoustic)
"One day you'll see her and you'll know what I mean / Take her or leave her she will still be the same / She'll not try to buy you with her time / But nothing's the same / as you will see when she's gone"
- You know how when you're trying to get over someone, and then one day you wake up and you just suddenly realize that life did move on and you're okay? This song should be playing in the background.

Set Yourself On Fire - Stars
(Set Yourself On Fire)
"In the sheets that lie upon his bed / Out there amongst the waves / And inside your lover's head / There is only one thing / There is only one thing / There is only one thing"
- Ahhh my favorite band. I know I say I have a lot of favorite bands, but yeah, Stars has got to be right up there on top. You have to download this whole album, heck, their entire discography. Their music and poetry is phenomenal. Perfect for chilling on a Sunday morning, or when feeling profound in the middle of the night.

Raindrops - Regina Spektor
"You don't know but that's okay / You might find me anyway / Don't you know that I / belong arm in arm with you baby"
- I love Regina Spektor. The first time I heard her, I was blown away. This song is just so sweet and innocent, and lovely. It sings of love, happiness and contentment. If you're young and in-love, this is the song for you.

You Really Wake Up The Love In Me - The Duke Spirit
(17 Again Soundtrack)
"Don't be too scared away / You only burn your tongue / You taste so good today / you'd get love from anyone / Oh you really wake up the love in me / Yeah you always stir up the sea / Oh"
- A fun pop-rock love song. Do they have this in Rock Band? They should.

We Give In Sometimes - Up Dharma Down
"And take me where I wanna be / Any place will do / Learn the tricks of fire / I apologize / But I'm gonna have to take me with you"
- One of my favorite Up Dharma Down songs. I love UDD. Admittedly, I'm not that big a fan of OPM, but aside from Paramita, this is the only other band I'd kill to see live. Their music is so whimsical and yet so true -- as long as it's UDD, the truth doesn't hurt as much.

Harder To Breathe - Maroon 5
(Songs About Jane)
"When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love / You'll understand what I mean when I say / There's no way we're gonna give up / And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams / Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe"
- Songs About Jane is the best Maroon 5 album for me. And this is just one of the really good songs in that album. Nobody does angst and frustration in better style than Adam Levine.

Love Doesn't Last Too Long - The Weepies
(Say I Am You)
"I watch the sun go down / I watch the sun go down / Then I wander around / then I wander around / It's here then it's gone / Love doesn't last too long"
- This is one of the saddest The Weepies songs. The way this song resonates in your head is so melancholic, it will probably make you want to write sad poems in your journal, cry over pictures of your ex, and ponder on how miserable your life is.

Down With The Sickness - Disturbed
"Get up come on get down with the sickness / Open up your hate, and let it flow into me / Get up, come on get down with the sickness / You mother get up come on get down with the sickness / You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness / Madness is the gift, that has been given to me"

The Kill - 30 Seconds To Mars
(A Beautiful Lie)
"Come break me down / bury me / bury me / I am finished with you / Look in my eyes / You're killing me / killing me / All I wanted was you"
- Wow, is RockBand summoning me? :)) But I've honestly known of 30STM way before RB. If Stars is my favorite band, they come a close second. I myself am actually surprised that I love their music seeing as how different it is from what I usually listen to. But Jared Leto and the rest of the band have this flare with their songs that really draws one in. It's angry music that makes sense. This song will always be memorable to me, if only because it's the one I sing with so much gusto when I'm furious at anybody. Trust me, it works.

I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys
"You are my fire / the one desire / Believe when I say / I want it that way"
- Is there any 90's kid out there who doesn't know this song? BSB was part of our childhood. You don't deny being a BSB fangirl. But really, this song is special to me because of a completely different reason. Let's see, it involves a 15-year-old boy and a pink shirt. That forever changed my idea of this song. This always makes me smile (and dance, haha).

Enjoy the music! Also, if you have any songs you want to recommend to me, send it to me via the question box. Which I already fixed, by the way :)

P.S. Shoutouts to Kaisa and Ate Patty! Literature geeks like us need to stick together :P :)) Hugs to you guys!



What about creative writing?

So someone left me an interesting question in my question box. (Yes, I'm surprised there are still people who bother asking! Haha.)

how is life as a creative writing major? is it difficult? do you feel like giving up or shifting? AT ALL????

It's just very timely, I guess because my blockmates and I have been discussing this for the last few days. We're incoming juniors, and we're almost at that make-or-break stage in our college lives already. There's practically no turning back, and yet it's inevitable to feel doubtful about the career path we're (about to be) taking, especially since it's often deemed as a unprofitable choice. Nobody really takes it seriously, I suppose. So yes, it can get frustrating.

First let me give you a background story: In 2008, the CW freshman block only had 6 students. That was me, Andee, Jamie, Rose, Cathy, and Jonika. Cathy shifted out, Rose took an LOA and is also shifting out, Jonika dropped out of school -- which leaves only the Three Musketeers aka The Plastics (see previous post) aka Karla-Andee-Jamie. It was wearisome to see the already small block slowly diminishing, but it was understandable. We made "tampo" to those who left, but we never really forced them to stay. After all, if that was what they wanted, why stop them? They have their reasons.

As for me, CW is actually my pre-law course. It's a stepping stone for my actual dream, which is to become a lawyer. But I also love to write, and read. Literature and English have always been my strengths so it wasn't such a bad idea. Anyway, I felt like I had enough passion for this course to pursue it, so I didn't find any reason to shift at all.

Most people will claim that CW is a lame and effortless course compared to, say, engineering or chemistry. But what people don't realize is that it's a course that depends more on talent and skill rather than book-smarts. You have to be really good at it to survive, and most of all you have to be passionate about it. I know that goes for all the other courses too but ours is fueled by nothing but that. Unlike math or physics that you can study with books and problem sets, you cannot actually study how to write. Sure, we are given lots of readings, and we are taught techniques, but there is no one way of doing it. You have to find your way, then let it do the working for you.

This is where it gets frustrating. Because I think none of us in the block were really writers per se, as in people who walk around seeing poetry in nature, and finding inspiration in almost anything. We like writing, and we're all undeniably bookworms, but I don't think any of us were that dedicated. We weren't really artists.

It can get discouraging to be reading about Brechtian didactics on plays or coming up with short stories and villanelles when you really don't have the innate desire for it. Creative Writing is a pretty tedious course. We have an insane amount of readings that you cannot afford to not read. We need an indefinite time to create prose and poetry. And really, we have to have passion for it. But sometimes, that passion dries up. And when that happens, we're screwed. We don't always feel like reading or writing, but we have to. Because that's what our course is about.

So to answer your question: yes, it is difficult. It's underrated. It's easy to want to give up. I dare whoever wants to belittle our course to discuss the different elements of plays and their modern/postmodernist approaches, or to defend Walter Pater's "Art for art's sake" stand. Or even just to come up with a 10-page critical analysis of an 18th century poem.

That's why I cannot blame my (remaining) blockmates for wanting to leave. I understand the pain, the frustration, the anxiety. What is the point in all of this anyway? It's not any easier but unlike the other courses, it's more difficult to see the practical purpose of this career. I honestly told them that even if it will sadden me a bit, I will support their decision 100% should they decide to shift. Because I know it's getting hard for them, and their hearts lie somewhere else.

But what about me? Despite the apparent struggles, have I ever considered shifting? No. Honestly, I doubt my writing capabilities. I don't think I am a good writer. Okay, maybe I know more words and commit lesser errors than some people, but I don't see myself as a real, actual artist. But I don't want to shift. The most obvious reason is because I'm already two years down, and only two more to go. I'm a half-baked CW student with no other subjects left to take but literature and CW majors. How am I going to shift? And where? I have nowhere to go. Sure, I may have really enjoyed philosophy class, or that sometimes I still wonder what it would be like if I pursued my mom's dream for me which was Accountancy, but it's all too late. And besides, I don't think I can handle any more debits and bank statements.

But more importantly, I think deep down in me, I know I can finish this course. I should finish this course. Not because I'm an awesome writer, or an extremely intelligent student, but because I know I like it enough to work hard on it. There was a reason why I chose this course and maybe all I have to do is keep finding that reason when I feel like giving up. I may not feel like I'm good at it, but I know I can make it through. I know it's difficult, but no matter what course I may be in, it will be difficult. Everything will be difficult. It all just boils down to how determined you are. And what your goal is. I'm going to keep myself afloat despite everything else that seems to drown me because I told myself when I started college that I'm going to finish this, so I will. Whatever it takes. Because this is what I have to do to get to what I really want, which is law school. I can't afford to mess it up. So I'm gonna have to suck it all up, work my ass off, and do my best.

I'm going to embrace being a writer, because I have to. Even if the only consistent "creative non-fiction" I do right now is blogging. Haha. :))

P.S. I just remembered I still have a final paper to submit for CL114. WHAT THE. So much for motivating myself. Tamad pa din ako T_T Hahaha. No waaait. Go fight, Bombastarrrr!




Noynoy vs. Erap? :| Revilla, Jinggoy and Lapid? :|

OH COME ON. Wala ngang failure of elections dahil sa machines, failure of elections pa rin dahil sa mga mananalo. Very disappointing, Philippines. I thought we were smarter than this.


Of shiny plastics and summers.

For the last few days, me and my blockmates Andy and Jamie have been quoting Mean Girls, endlessly. Yes. Endlessly. I can't remember how it started exactly but once we began we just couldn't stop. We can actually quote the entire movie from the beginning up until the end!

Last Wednesday, we they wore pink. (I didn't have any pink shirts at the dorm, so I can't sit with them. Haha.)

It's freshman orientation this week at UP. I first met Andy and Jamie the same week two years ago. It's funny how in a span of just twenty four months we've become the best of friends, finishing each other's sentences and understanding each other's fetishes. Funny, yet comforting all the same. It's nice knowing there are equally queer, eccentric and weird people as me.

If ever these guys get to read this: BOO, YOU WHORES :* I love you ;)


I just finished watching (500) Days of Summer again on my iPod. It always gets to me. Always. It doesn't stop hurting each time I watch it. It doesn't stop making me feel bad for Tom. It somehow always brings me back to times I wish I could forget, to times I thought I had found someone, but then ended up being completely wrong about it. I can't help rooting for Summer and Tom every time I watch the movie, because they complemented each other perfectly. And yet, somehow they didn't. It's true -- sometimes when looking back to the past, we can't help but romanticize everything, we can't help but drown ourselves in nostalgic bliss, making us regret losing what we had with that someone. But if there is anything I learned from this movie, it's that I have to stop looking through rose-colored glasses. Everything turned out the way it did because it just wasn't supposed to be. That's life.

And the good news is, there's always a new day. There's always someone better that would come along, someone who could complete us in a different way. And when that day comes, we could only be grateful that it didn't work out with the other one.


Summer classes end next week! I already feel so accomplished! \:D/


Geeks are hot.

Watched Iron Man 2 today.

The movie made an incredible point that men all over the world should understand: It's not enough to just be cute and hot anymore. You have to be awesome at math and physics too. Because I swear, there is nothing hotter than a guy who can get his equations right. :">

Tony Stark is legendary. I think he just became my favorite superhero. Next to Batman of course. Who by the way, is also another hunky geek with awesome gadgets. I like not just boys with big toys, but boys who can actually make their big toys :))

Hmm. Maybe this is why I am unconsciously more attracted to guys who ace math. And breeze through physics. And can explain to me how car engines and refrigerators work. Yes, I think I have a fetish for engineers :))