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Sometimes, all you need is one.

It's funny how I've been having commitment issues for the last three years of my life, when I have been in one serious relationship before in high school. I can't seem to get myself into something else anymore, no matter how great all the others are out there. I don't know, I guess the first one is just really irreplaceable.

Now before you get your eyebrows raised and tongues wagging, I'm talking about TV shows.

Friends. How I Met Your Mother. Sex And The City. Ally McBeal. Scrubs. Dirty Sexy Money. The Big Bang Theory. These are all great shows: critically acclaimed and well-loved by fans all over the world. Some of them are over, some of them have had their time, but one thing is certain, they've all taken a place in pop culture and in history. They're, as Barney Stinson puts it, legend--wait for it--ary. And I honestly all enjoy them. When I'm having a bad day, or a boring one, I just pop one of them into my player, and I feel better. But I can never finish one season completely. I can't sit through an entire day watching just one of these shows. I can't bring myself to embrace the characters, completely memorize the quotes, immerse in the music, and get myself drowned inside their world the way I only did with one particular show.

One Tree Hill.

I was looking back on my previous posts, particularly in my sophomore and junior year in high school, and I was shocked at how I just had to mention an OTH or Nathan Scott-related entry in literally every post. Obsessed would be an understatement -- I sang the songs to every episode, I can recite the lines by heart, and I knew the characters as if I was there inside the show with them. The whole entire time, I saw myself inside their world. Everything that happened to me, I mirrored to the plot line, everything I did I based on the characters' reactions. Everyday was a literal, "What would Haley/Brooke/Peyton do?" and sometimes I found myself wishing I should be in their world and not stuck in Manila. Instead of going home feeling tired with homework or extra-curriculars, I could have an ending montage of scenes complete with realizations, quotes from famous writers, and an awesome background music. What could be better than that? I was crazed, really. I give you permission to call me cuckoo.

But since college began, I sadly started losing touch. I wasn't as updated as I once was because of my busy schedule but I managed to catch up every month or so. However after Lucas and Peyton left, I just completely lost interest. My favorite characters were Nathan and Haley, and I was actually a Brucas fan, but I just didn't see the point anymore. It was a different world, a different show. I guess you could say I "graduated" from the show as well. And suddenly, nothing else was the same. I can't get myself to commit to another show the same way I did: no matter how much I love Friends, or the HIMYM gang, or the SATC girls. It's just not the same. It's like missing your "high school barkada" -- your new friends are great, but there's nothing like being with the ones you knew the longest and the best.

I guess, it's childish, or it's weird probably. But I guess I just can't replace the show, no matter how hard I try to let it go. I've gone so far as letting it define who I was, or at least who I wanted to be, and it was such a huge part of my life that I can't just erase it. It's a long distant memory now, but it's still there. I miss it. I miss every heart-aching line, every unforgettable kiss, every sleep-depriving conflict. I miss having this one certain presence in my life that made me feel safe, that made me feel like nothing can go wrong in my world, as long as it's okay in theirs. I miss One Tree Hill. My One Tree Hill.

If there's something the show has left me (aside from great music), it's that the world goes on, sometimes without the people we love in it. Things will never be the same, but things can go okay again. It might be a different kind of okay, but a comforting one nonetheless.

But it also taught me that it's okay to look back, to feel nostalgic about the past, and recall times that may have left you broken but also stronger. Because it's only by doing so that you realize how grateful you should be about the present, and how much better it actually is if you just open your eyes.

I'm listening to my OTH playlist right now. I should really watch season 1-4 again.