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Thoughts keeping me up aside from Consti.

I should know better than feeling sad about people choosing to walk away, people deciding you no longer exist, people suddenly realizing you're no longer worth their time. I should already know by now that what my friends and family are speaking are gospel truth: that I don't deserve such kind of treatment, that I am much better off, that there is nothing to be sorry or depressed about because at least I found out soon enough that there are people not worthy of me. It was a lie, it wasn't real. It was a mistake. It was bound to happen. 

It's his loss. 

But how is that comforting? It's mine, too.


For Women Who Are Difficult To Love


For Women Who Are Difficult to Love by Warsan Shire

You are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?

closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.