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Silver linings

Finally. There's reason to hang on to this. I really needed that affirmation, especially right now.

And because of that, this: some of my closest friends in the block. I owe these guys a lot - for the productive study sessions, for the Maroon 5 LSS, for the bacon, for the extremely clingy kind of friendship. I am really not complaining.

Also, Nutella soup. NUTELLA SOUP. Nutella freakin' soup.

Off to have our class' breakfast consultation with our Consti prof at Via Mare. Yep, Via Mare for breakfast. Silver linings, silver linings.


Let me tell you something about midterms.

It drives one crazy. It takes one on the edge. It dangles in front of one the possibility of redemption, yet it also threatens one with the very realistic notion of defeat. It's sweet mental torture.

I don't think I've been very subtle about my growing exhaustion for law school. It really is bringing out the worst in me - and how could it not? Everyday you do your best, and it just never seems enough. You sleep at the most ungodly of hours, you stay away from people you care about, you stop doing things you normally enjoy - just so you can give your full attention to the cases you have to read. Yet, come crunch time, say a recit or the actual exam, you still end up feeling like you have no idea what you're doing. Unfortunately, there are no points for the effort: it's either you got the answer right or you didn't. It's an unending pattern of frustration.

But if there is one thing I am thankful for in all this, it's that I've realized who brings out the best in me - and in law school, this is most crucial. It's difficult enough to have to come to terms with your weaknesses on your own, it's a whole other story when you see those in contrast with other people's strengths. It can really unleash some unknown demons you never knew existed before. But once you find people who are on the exact same boat, it somehow lessens the anxiety. It gets one through the day, enough to make you say you can go through the next one, and the next one.

I cannot stress how thankful I am that the Law School Sorting Hat (because we picked our via the random, totally fortuitous method of picking a folder. Oooooooooh, yeah how exciting, eh?) put me in this block. In the last nine weeks, I think I've spent more time with these people than I ever have with my actual bed - and that's saying a lot. It's kind of bordering on insane levels of clingy already - like, it's getting more and more difficult to study without them. But it really does help having people around. It keeps me grounded, and it keeps me together. It saves my ass come judgment time. And right now really, that's what matters.

My last exam's on Saturday. I have no idea how I did in the last three exams that I took - and really, I don't want to expect anything. Because if there's anything I learned (the difficult way, unfortunately) in law school, is that you're never right, and you're never sure, no matter how right or sure you think you are. It sounds like it's such a dread, and it is, it is. But it's not without its share of silver linings. I'll give it that. 

And if anything, at least there's more reason to smile at the little things now. 

(And really, I can't wait to go back on Facebook again! After our last exam I'M BACK ONLINE BITCHEZ. #smalljoys)


Musings from the fourth floor at four in the morning

(1) For the first time in a while, it isn't a rainy morning. The sky is not quite blue yet, just a shy shade of lilac still waiting for the grays to fade away. (2) It is marvelous how the chaos of a room looks comforting under the semi-darkness of early morning. (3) Blankets are on the floor again; the body speaks the truth in sleep: one has accepted that there isn't always comfort in warmth. (4) There is an overwhelming feeling of control when one chooses to eat breakfast at 4:21, when the clock looks at you and says "It's too early for that," but you take a bite anyway. (5) Much more empowering is thinking of other food while taking a bite. It is as if you are saying "Just because you are here doesn't mean it is you that I think about." (6) Being dramatic over a slice of bread is a symptom of stress and exhaustion. (7) But it can also mean being alone has been embraced again, that the idea of talking to yourself and no one being there to listen isn't so bad anymore. (8) Being alone is a circumstance. Feeling alone, however, is a different story. (9) The sky is blue now.




Low pressure area + high pressure environment

Been stuck indoors with my blockmates for the last few days now. I'm more than grateful that I have these guys with me to (1) keep me awake and studying when I'm feeling distracted, (2) distract me when the cases get too much to handle, and (3) just make me feel safe. While we're grateful for the suspension because it gave us more time to prepare for our Midterms (*dun dun dun*), it also meant higher expectations from our profs because we did have more time. Trying to stay awake in this kind of weather isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. But we're doing fine so far - it's better than being alone and fighting the battle by yourself.

The weather's getting better though. I hope everyone else is alright. And I hope we all find the time to help out in the relief operations. :)


Just because

GPOY Saturday. So after an entire day of studying (and having my hair up in a messy bun), this happened. I have always resisted the idea of embracing (my actually) wavy hair, but this looks fairly decent, don't you think?

What a wonderful surprise, good hair day. Come by more often, please? I kinda need the ego boost. :))


Why you shouldn't be reading for Persons on a gloomy, rainy Wednesday morning.

"Shorn of any reference to psychology, we conclude that we have here a case of parties who have very human faults and frailties; who have been together for some time; but who are now tired of each other.

[...] To be tired and to give up on one's situation and on one's husband however are not necessarily signs of psychological illness; neither can falling out of love be so labeled."

- So vs. Valera (GR No. 150677)

Unfortunately, falling out of love is not a psychological illness that can warrant you an annulment.